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Singer

Name origin

A self-chosen last name we and our mother agreed upon for a brief while in our childhood in order to distance ourselves from both our abuser and our mother's own abusers; this last name originated in turn from our participation in choirs at around that time

Aliases

Core (preferred over Singer, actually, but avoid anyway because it gets confusing if there are more systems around who also have cores); Jaime (avoid so as not to confuse her with the host)

Pronouns

she/they

Type

Originally ANP, made EP by separation from me, possibly made ANP again(?) by subsequent separation from Lucy, Alice, and Daisy

Role

True and original self

Communication style

Vocalization

Traits presented when cofronting

Calm, compassion for self and others, will to heal and grow

Singer does not hold any trauma anymore. All of it has been split into the trauma holders. However, this does not mean Singer is unharmed. The force of the split damaged her. She is exhausted.

Singer is the only one of us who was already independent when we were first born. The rest of us were parts of her. If there are any memories that only she holds, they are likely not traumatic memories, but memories of our infancy.

When the first abuse intense enough to cause a split occurred—the one Lucy now holds—Singer built me, Jaime, and retreated into me to escape the abuse. This effort was only somewhat effective: she successfully protected a small fragment of us from Bernard the real person, but Bernard the introject was born at that same time, and was locked inside me just as much as she was, giving him easy access to her. This caused us nightmares for many years.

The first time it all became too much for her, and she was forced to reveal herself to me, I didn't know what to think of her. I thought the right way to deal with her was to fight her and try to purge her from my mind. When that unhealthy way of thinking reached its nadir, we tried to take our own life. We were committed involuntarily to a mental hospital for three weeks, and then discharged to a group home, which we fled due to medication-induced hypomania.

The next time she couldn't take it anymore, we began to understand each other better, but I was not learning fast enough for her. She tried to take her life again, this time only in our headspace, not in real life (though we were tempted). She incapacitated Bernard (the introject, not the real person) with a crowbar, and then used it to break her chains, scratch out the discouraging messages scrawled on the walls, and pry open the metal bars over the window. With Lorna in hand, she climbed out onto the tower's balcony and jumped off.

She survived, but not completely. Her head broke open on the ground. The essence of who we are remained with her, but the trauma she held poured out as Lucy, Alice, and Daisy.