Jaime
- Name origin
- Our birth-assigned nickname
- Aliases
- blujai831, the host, the tower (retired)
- Pronouns
- they/she
- Type
- ANP
- Role
- Designated front
- Communication styles
- Writing/typing, maintaining front
- Traits presented when cofronting
- Numbness, tech-related hobbies
Hello. This is me.
I was split off from Singer by the original act of abuse (now held by Lucy). At that time, Singer fled into our subconscious and built me as a stone wall to keep our abuser out. As we came to fear more and more things in the world, I grew from a mere wall into a tower.
I am largely an emotionless shell. We as a system feel emotions, but most of them belong to Lucy, Alice, or Daisy, and all of the others belong to Singer. Since for most of our life I was the only one allowed to come out, we suffered from flat affect, and still do to some extent. Improvement of our affect has been attained through a combination of learning to let the others cofront and learning to "lie the truth:" to intentionally act out a manufactured expression of real emotions whose real expression is being inhibited.
Relations
I am the one who split Singer a second time. I was trying to heal my relationship with her and regain her trust, and in that process, I promised her I would no longer try to force her to open up to me about the truth of what happened to us. When she trusted me enough to show me something new, I could not control myself, and attacked her. This resulted in what I can only describe as a catatonic episode, which lasted only around half an hour, and was followed by the internal incident in which Singer leapt from the tower. It's unclear whether Singer forgives me for this, but regardless, she is trying her best to get along with all of us.
Lucy distrusts me. If a part of Singer does not forgive me, it is her. That being said, we're learning to work better together.
Alice will not listen to me. In our deepest moments of despair, she takes control. I am still present, but my influence is diminished. I try to calm her down, but she is inconsolable.
Daisy acts friendly toward me but actually doesn't trust me.
Sophie would prefer I not disturb her.
Lorna is disappointed in me, but still loves me.
Bernard thinks I'm ugly and disgusting and he was right to do what he did to us if we were going to turn out like this.