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Kate

Name origin

Introductory dream

Aliases

None known

Pronouns

she/it

Type

ANP, probably

Role

Cofront switch controller, minor trauma holder (denial)

Response type

Flight response

Reexperiencing type

Persistent negative self-concept

Communication styles

Controlling cofront switches, speaking in dreams

Coping mechanism

Denial

Traits presented when cofronting

Denial

When happy

Spaces out

When sad

Wonders if this is all a bunch of bullshit

Kate appeared in a dream. We were asked whether we believe in angels, and her nonsequitur response was that "sometimes it's too hard to press the 'sorry' button" (likely referring to Alice). I envision Kate as an angel standing before a switchboard and pressing buttons corresponding to the others among us to call them to front.

It's unclear whether Kate is an actual part of us or just a dream entity, or indeed to what extent there's any distinction. After realizing I have no more nor less reason to believe she is real than to believe Sophie is real, I decided to accept her. I figured I risk artificially making her real if I keep thinking about her, and I'm not going to be able to stop thinking about her now that I know that, so we might as well get it over with.

Once awake, I asked Kate what she meant, elaborating that "pressing a button doesn't sound very hard." If she exists at all, she is hesitant to communicate so candidly with me now that we're awake, but the vibe I'm getting from her is that the simple act of pressing the button is not difficult but she doesn't want to do it because of the consequences.

I also asked Kate whether she is actually any of a handful of likely suspects among the headmates I was already aware of: Daisy, Singer, Sophie, or, for that matter, me. She believes she is not any of them.

I'm not completely sure how or why Kate developed, but I have theories.

Contact was first established the night of the same day I first explicitly recognized a certain something about what's been going on with us:

In a way, this is a relief. We were never okay, and I'm realizing getting our degree just gave us the freedom to stop pretending. This isn't a crashout. It's a crash in.

Maybe that's super obvious from the outside, but I'm just figuring it out.

This is probably a way that everyone feels, isn't it? "I'm not okay, I'm just pretending."

I don't think Kate split off directly from Singer like so many others of us. Actually, I think Kate may have split off from me. She was the part of me that—well—the part of me that controlled the cofront switches. She developed within me because I couldn't afford to lose my mind. I was too busy for that. So she kept track of it for me. After we finally graduated college and realized we didn't have to pretend to be okay anymore, my unity with her destabilized: I stopped being able to control who is cofronting. The split completed yesterday evening, when we became fully aware of, and able to give voice to, the fact that that was the reason for our recent decline in mental health.