Kate

(Host)

Pronouns: she/they what ever i'l ust put it here. hey this is sophei i'm tired as fuck whay are yout bothering me. i'm ggoine back up here to replyh to shti after ther facut Hey can you get ahold of yourself? We don't work like that, we don't do that. Whatever we have it's not severe enough for that uuuuuhhh haha how sure arte you about that
Name origin: A dream Sophie had where I introduced myself to her. Since I am fronting right now, I consider my name to be Jaime, not Kate, but I introduced myself as Kate in the dream, and go by that in internal communication. I don't really know why I picked it. Feels like it was totally arbitrary. I have noticed that if you run Sophie's name into mine you get something that sounds like "suffocate" and we do often describe the way various sexual traumas felt as "crushing and suffocating." Weird. Wonder if that means anything. it means we have unrtread sleep appea you dense motherfecukcer
Subjective age: Well, right now I feel 32, because, uh, I am. But in headspace I'm 27.
Favorite color: White
Favorite animal: Don't really have one, but I usually use this field to talk about what animal each of us feels like, so I guess I'll say I feel like a panda. And also an angel. (Yes I'm aware an angel isn't an animal.) To be clear, I don't feel like an angel because I think I'm so great or nice or pious or whatever. I'm quite well aware I'm not, thank you very much. I feel like an angel, and showed up as one in that dream where I introduced myself, because I'm referencing the phrase "how many angels can dance on the head of a pin." The idea is I don't fucking know who I am anymore and sometimes I don't really even believe I exist. a a ahah eha can ayhou believe thsi checik whaht a loser nerd emoji nerd emojis end tweet Sophie wha th Hey stop that I'm supposed to be good at typeingyou were gonna say 'what the fuck, sophie you're not usually like this.' yeah n im not youre right. but someone went and woke me up while i was in the middle of a nap
Strengths: Intellectual, detail-oriented, fast learner, and I used to be a damn hard worker.
Weaknesses: Feeling pretty full of myself so I had to check something Sophie wrote to remember. "Irritable, inconsiderate, skeptical, and in denial." I know. I know that. Listen, I'm trying, okay? You see how hard I'm trying? ... Hmpf. She won't answer. eah girl i know you try real hard that's kind ofo your whole issue like girl that's the prboleem
Holds traumatic memories: I guess technically, yeah. The loss of our mother. It's functionally incapacitated me. That's probably why Sophie showed up. She's the next one, isn't she? It's coming for me, the abyss, isn't it? Fucking hell. Hope she can get her act together in time because I gotta say she's really not doing so hot herself. dunow hat you're talkgkin about i '=m doing fien You're doing that on purpose aren't you.
Holds stress response: Denial. Panic attacks. Working on it.
Holds shameful behaviors: I cut sometimes. Also I killed Singer-α on accident. I'm a fucking awful headmate. nnaaaaaaaaaahh your th ehnbest Is that sarcasm? howd u know.......but srsly thogh liek yeah ima be ereal you suck btu i dont think you suck as much as you think you suck. aybe if you woudlnt be so hard on yoruslef youd suck lesss put that in yourass and fart it Charming.
Holds learned skills: Most of them, yeah. Gamedev is probably my favorite one. (Though that encompasses a lot.)
Copes with shame: Fails to cope.
Copes with fear: Fails to cope.
Copes with grief: Fails to cope.
Darkest thought: That I'll die having never accomplished or created anything outside myself because I'm self-absorbed to the point of uselessness.
Formative belief: That I have to be perfect.

Relations

Lucy-α: I regret the way I treated her.
Lucy: She's my advisor. And I'd like to advise you that you're in deep shit. Get your head out of your ass and start treating us right. This is a threat. Yes, ma'am. She keeps me in check, too, as you can see. I'm not complaining because I know damn well how important that is.
Penelope: I'm trying to be kind to her, but to be completely honest, I find her horrifying. Hey. Knock it off.
Anabelle: I don't really want to know what will happen if I say I feel the same way about this one. My head feels fuzzy just thinking it. Oh. I just got a mental image of a trident pressing against my neck. Lovely.
Daisy: I have a bad habit of ignoring him when he's in distress. Honestly, with how you've been acting lately, it's for the best. He doesn't need your shit right now.
May: I'm trying to think about how I feel about her and can't.
Oliver: I'm trying to think about how I feel about them and can't—oh. Is this what we're doing now? Do you wanna answer for me then? She treats him like a toy to mess around with. It's gross. I think you're mixing me up with—I don't wanna hear it. I'm at the end of my rope with you right now. Okay, what about May, then? Tell me what I think of May, o smart one. Why do you put her through crap no one her age should have to go through? Are you just really that convinced she's just the same person as Daisy? Open your eyes! You're hurting her!
Oliver*: I blame you for this. This too, huh? Listen, I was young and stupid—What do you mean was?
Alice: Look at how long it took her to get better because of you. Is this really what we're doing now? Is my bio page now a courthouse? Yes. And it's about damn time. Sheesh, no sympathy for the devil, huh? Ha ha, very funny.
Alice-II
Alice-III
Singer: I'm worried about her. We don't hear from her a lot these days. Not since I...
Singer-α: I'm so, so sorry. Not sorry enough.
Sophie: Uh, Sophie? I heard what Daisy said about you and I have questions. (Mental image of her being in a closed and locked bedroom. She is snoring away on the bed belly-up.) Sophie? Hey? Knock-knock? Wake up? Can I come in? zzz snrk hngg what What's going on? We're worried. can u be owried alone plz. i'm running on a sleepd bet here (She woke up and went back through the document to reply to past queries.) Sophie we need your input on this. The fuck have you been doing with Daisy? DOoont say that liek you aint been in on it too ok what the fuck have we been—that lil hrndog jsut needs to explore himsefl know what im sayin? it's like. the 'only way he ca feel heard' or like whatever rememberr? cause hes. . i forghot Because he thinks he... Huh. I forgot too for some reason. I'm trying to think about it and can't—Lucy are you the one doing that again? May is the one who thinks her only possible worth is as a sex object. It's a horrible thing for a child her age to have to deal with and I will not let you indulge her on it any longer. I don't care that it's through Daisy because he's old enough. That doesn't make it better. Wait, Daisy doesn't think that? He doesn't? Really? But I thought—You thought wrong. hey... can I interrupt... I do think that. That I'm worthless. That I'm nothing but pretty to look at. And that I have to express myself only like that. And I want to take some responsibility too. I'm the one who—That doesn't matter. Arousal isn't consent. You're being mistreated. I am so sorry you've been hurt too much to see that. Hey, wait a minute, you sure act high and mighty but—Daisy, I'm sorry. The way that I, too, have treated you is... to be frank, it's unforgivable. But, can you find it in your heart to forgive me anyway? Aww, of course I forgive you! We LoVe each other aFtEr aLL! Hahahahahahaha That sounds like a 'no' to me. Really? What tipped you off? Okay. Now Lucy is having trouble thinking coherently. So I won't pressure her. I feel like we got a bit off-track here.
Mom
Dad
Mom*
Dad*